One of the things schools always ponder, and need to respond to, is bullying. It is an expectation (but not an acceptable one) that when you put a group of young people together all day for many weeks of the year while they are dealing with major life changes like puberty, unkind behaviour will occur. Recently, there have been questions raised regarding how we here at Carmel execute our bullying policy. While these questions have not been raised across multiple year levels, I still feel it is important to clearly communicate how this policy is enacted so all parents, staff and students understand our response. 

I can categorically say that we do not tolerate bullying at Carmel School. Alongside that, our guiding principle is that children (like adults) are not perfect. Children will do the wrong thing at times; they will say things that are hurtful, be inconsiderate of other people’s feelings, take ‘jokes’ too far and sometimes be outright mean! Children come to school to learn to be better people, in partnership with parents and lessons from the home environment, but there are very few children who do not come through the tumultuous tweens and teens and become a mensch. That’s not to say this behaviour is condoned or ignored, but it is dealt with in a constructive, (and yes, sometimes consequential) manner. 

As a part of our processes, there are some things that need to be taken into consideration: 

• We cannot deal with what we don’t know. We hope that we are creating an environment where our students feel safe to speak out if someone has wronged them. And while we are vigilantly on the lookout for any untoward behaviour, we cannot see it all. If something is wrong, please tell us. We are not mind readers and we ask and appreciate when we are put in the loop. 
• Most times, there are two sides to a story. It is rare to have a full perpetrator and a full victim. Usually there have been contributions on both sides to an incident. 
• Our first attempt to remedy a situation is to use ‘restorative justice’. This is a framework that moves beyond consequences to healing, aiming to prevent further wrongdoing and hurt. There may be times when consequences are necessary and, in these cases, we deal with it swiftly and confidentially.  
• We do not tell parents of other children about punishment meted out. We will always investigate and deal with issues, but we do not share with parents the consequences given to children who are not their own. This would be unhelpful and unprofessional. Please trust that we do give consequences when necessary. 

Carmel School is a special community, one that fosters belonging and identity. But we are not ignorant that the journey towards young adulthood is bumpy and it would be foolish of us to be unprepared for instances of bullying. We have full confidence in our policies and the student leaders of our school are a testament to the positive reinforcement (and sometimes constructive feedback) that they have received from the School and from their parents over their Carmel journey. If you are reading this and remain unsure or uncertain about our bullying policy (or any of our other policies), I encourage you to meet with your Head of School or with me. We are always open to discussions that will improve the learning environment and developmental pathway of your child, our student.